Psycho Mom

I have been pretty good about being a psycho mom for both boys, I think. (Of course I'd think, I know. But, I don't feel too bad.) BUT, I am still pretty freaked about the shape of Ben's head. It's just not symmetrical. It still looks like he was just squeezed through the birth canal. I think it looks more like that now than when he was born but that could just be because it seemed acceptable then. I made the potential mistake of looking up misshapen heads online. They had pictures of super extreme cases, of course, but they also had some pictures and drawings that look just like the shape of his head from the top. It's some condition where the bones in the skull fuse too soon and it can cause brain damage because it doesn't allow the brain room to grow. One of the telltale signs has some name but it's basically when their ears aren't aligned. He's totally fine with that - thank goodness. But, I just can't get over it.

Doug's stupid pager went off last night a little after 12. Even though it's not that loud, it disrupted both boys just enough. I was up with one of them each hour after that through this morning and that was even with Doug feeding Ben. So, I know some of my emotional reaction was due to total lack of good sleep. But, I was feeding Ben almost in tears this morning because it seems so obvious when I look for it.

So, I was a psycho mom and called ABCD for an appointment on Monday morning. They had one at 8:10 with Dr. Arnold. I know a worst case scenario is that he needs brain surgery to break the bones and that totally freaks me out. I know that tons of babies now have the helmet and that those are not a big deal. Really, I don't think he has any problem - he sure doesn't act like he does. BUT, ever since I've thought about it, I haven't been able to find a soft spot on Ben. Maybe it's just because he has so much hair, but it's enough to make me worried.

So, I am a self professed psycho mom for another day or so. At least I know that I might err on the side of protecting, caring for and loving my babies. I'd much rather be this kind of mom than the kind of mom who thinks their kid might be getting abused but feels bad asking questions or saying anything!!!